Last month I sat in the school gym videotaping my daughter as she excitedly walked up to accept a Student of the Year award from her teachers. In the middle of her walk, the sound of applause is interrupted by the woman behind me saying (very loudly) “That girl is really tall.” I sighed, knowing my daughter would hear it on the recording and her big moment would be spoiled by the comment…one she is tired of hearing. As a result, I never even showed her the video.
You’ll tell me that as a mom I should tell my daughter to be proud that she is tall. In our house it’s actually a pretty cool thing because she calls her older sister (who is 5’9) “shortie” and likes to tease me (at 5’8) for being shorter than her now. But at 13 years old, it’s hard to find it funny to be 5’10 (inching ever closer to 5’11) when everyone outside the house is drawing attention to it in such a way that it makes her feel different and weird.
I can’t imagine going up to a woman I don’t know and saying to her “Wow…your daughter is really short.” How rude would that be? Why does everyone feel the need to point out to me (and my daughter) that she is tall? The only thing we can respond with is…”yes…tall.” What else can we say?
And then there are the followups. A typical conversation usually involves these things (in no particular order):
- “Wow! You’re really tall!” (yes…tall)
- “Do you play sports?” (no….none)
- Awkward pause
- “How tall are you??” (5’10)
- “That’s really tall for a girl!” (yes…tall)
Why does everyone assume she plays sports and then get confused when she doesn’t? Can’t tall people be singers and computer engineers and everything else that short or average height people can be? Is she somehow wasting her god-given height because she is completely uncoordinated? (which I happen to share with her) And why does it matter just how tall she is? Do you ask short people their height? Or skinny people how much they weigh? I didn’t think so.
I’m sure most of the people who make these kind of comments and ask all of the weird follow-up questions do not mean any ill will. They may even think that they are being flattering in some way (maybe they always wished that they were that tall??). But when my daughter tells me that she is tired of people mentioning it every single day, I know that as a mom I have to speak up.
Please think before you make comments about a kid. They are already going through a lot of changes and their identities are being shaped. Comments made to them at 10 or 12 or 14 years old may stick with them their entire lives. I don’t want my daughter thinking for the rest of her life that she is some kind of circus freak just because she is a few inches taller than the average woman. She isn’t defined by her height or any other physical attributions. She’s beautiful inside and out….all 70.5 inches of her!
For now on when people tell my daughter she is tall, I am going to tell her to respond “Thank you!” because I am going to assume they are paying her a compliment, whether they are or not. I’m going to do my best to turn this strange curiosity with her height into something she sees as positive and motivational rather than intrusive and derogatory.
And the next time you are at the grocery store and need something off the top shelf, hopefully one of my daughters or I will be there to help you out.
(P.S. I did talk to her before I wrote this post because it is such a personal topic. She encouraged me to write it.)
How are things now? My 15 year old is 5ft 11, and constantly gets her height mentioned. Now feels it’s the worst thing in the world to be tall.
Hi Claire,
Well it has been almost 5 years since I wrote this post and things have changed a BIT! She just turned 18 last week and now at least the boys in her class have gotten a lot taller. She’s still the tallest girl in the choir by about an inch and people do remark on it sometimes. But as she has gotten older, people mention it much less. She still hasn’t embraced her height like I wish that she could but she doesn’t get as upset when people mention it either. She won’t wear heels if she can help it because she doesn’t want to add to her height at all. But I do see her handling it a LOT better as she is maturing.
Thank you, class photos are the worst, will keep with positive thoughts and gently reminding those around us that mentioning something you can not change is not helpful.
How are things now? My 15 year old is 5ft 11, and constantly gets her height mentioned. Now feels it’s the worst thing in the world to be tall.
Thank you. Just thank you for this post.
I LOVE what you are doing for your daughter. I am 40 now, but I grew 7.5 inches in 1 summer and was consistently teased by other kids and tortured with the same comments and questions since that summer. At 14 years old I was already 5’11” and by 17 I was 6’1″. Still to this day I get asked dumb questions like, “Do you know how tall you are?” by adults and pointed at in amazement by the younger population. It took me a REALLY long time to come to grips with my height but I am proud of it now and I just know you’re daughter is going to benefit so much from this post as it will help her gain confidence and it will hopefully educate others.
You ROCK Mom!
I was the tall girl, too. It definitely does get tiresome and people are weird about it sometimes, as if you can control your height LOL.
Just smile and say thank you. And never let anyone tell you what kind of shoes you can and cannot wear just because you’re tall 😉