Although I don’t talk about it frequently, I have been open on my blog and social media about my religious beliefs. I’ve been a Christian all my life, although not the kind that goes to church every Sunday and participates in Bible study. I’m the one you probably call a “Chreaster” who shows up on Christmas and Easter and promises to start coming more often. But in my mind, that doesn’t make me any less of a Christian because when it comes down to it, the definition of a Christian is that you have accepted Jesus as your Savior and you live your life in a way that reflects his teachings. I have done the former and I think I do the latter.
And yet every day I am finding it harder and harder to WANT to be a Christian when I see what is going on in the world around me.
RFRA In Short
You’d have to live under a rock to not know what is going on in my state right now regarding “religious freedom” and gay rights. In a nutshell, our state passed a law that protected the expression of religious freedoms. I was an aspiring law student when the federal government sought to protect peyote smoking and other “religious” activities with its own RFRA. I was firmly behind it. I agree that the Indiana law is NOT the same as the federal law, but that would be a whole post unto itself and the reason that I do not support the Indiana law as originally passed.
We can argue all day about the motives behind the Indiana law but for me what has really come out of it is that people are showing their true colors. While some people are legitimately arguing the merits of the law, how it will be applied, its necessity, etc., MANY others are taking this opportunity to reiterate why Christians hate gay people. Every hour of the day I see another comment pop up somewhere in a news article or Facebook or Twitter where a “good Christian” is reminding the world how God hates gay people and they are an “abomination.”
Am I Really a Christian?
My first thought when I read all of these comments is that these people are not really Christians because the Bible I learned told us all kinds of things about not judging and God creating us all just the way we are supposed to be. After reading so many comments and quotes, I have started to think that maybe I am the one who is wrong about the Bible and I’m not really meant to be a Christian because I just can’t believe the things that everyone is saying.
If I firmly believe in my heart of hearts that God made homosexuals and heterosexuals just the same as he made Irish and Africans or men and women, then maybe there isn’t a place for me in the Christian faith anymore.
Furthermore, I’m embarrassed to admit that I am a Christian right now. I cringe when I see non-Christians posting on Facebook about how all of the Christians are crazy nuts who can’t accept that everyone isn’t just like them. And they have good reason to post those things! They are seeing it all around them.
Take this example. When news breaks that a fraternity has been singing racist songs or assaulting women, every person who was never Greek immediately starts in on the “what do you expect from fraternities” stuff. Even though it was maybe 2 bad eggs in 1 fraternity house in 1 college that did it. It’s guilt by association. Everyone who was ever Greek feels a little bit dirty for having been part of a system like that.
It’s not different being a Christian. When I see people on Facebook posting in the name of our religion things like “This could be a blessing all of the sodomites could move to another state” (that’s a direct quote), I am embarrassed. I feel terrible thinking that I am a part of a group of people who feel that way, especially when there are so many important people in my life who are gay.
A Religion Divided
I know that I am not alone. I have a lot of Christian friends who I see posting support for gay rights. I see their comments to posts arguing that not all Christians support RFRA and not all Christians think it is a sin to be gay.
I received an email from my church today. Due to the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church (USA) redefining marriage in our Book of Order to now be inclusive of homosexual marriages, my church is now considering leaving PCUSA to join other orders that do NOT agree with gay marriage. The knowledge that my congregation feels that strongly against gay marriage is a big part of why my church participation has dwindled down to “Chreaster” status over the last few years. And why I have been desperately looking for a new church that feels like I do.
Easter Is Coming
The Easter church service is my favorite of the entire year, more even than the beautiful Christmas Eve candlelight service. There is something about the Easter service that calls to me. It’s about redemption, forgiveness, and promise. I will wholeheartedly answer the call “He is Risen” with my response “He Is Risen Indeed.” I will sing “Alive! Alive! Alive forevermore!”
And yet a part of me will struggle with what it all really means to stand there in that sanctuary. I’ll be looking at the people around me wondering what is in their hearts, what they would say if they knew how many gay friends I have and how much I love them all.
It’s a crisis of conscience for me that is shaking my faith in a way that no tragedy in my life ever has. And it is causing a sadness in my heart that I don’t know how to lift. I can only rely on my favorite verse and hope that our church, our state, and our country will find our way through this. I know which way my heart is being led, and it’s not in the direction of discrimination.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge him in all ways and he will direct your path.” (Proverbs 3: 5,6)
I really appreciate all of the comments. It is nice to have the perspective of others in a positive way!
Hi Tricia,
Thank you for writing about this very difficult topic, the challenge of being a christian in today’s society. While we see so many changes going on in the world the church, in terms of redefining marriage – regardless of where a person stands on this issue, I think the most important thing to remember is Jesus’ response when the Pharisees asked him, “What is the greatest commandment of all?”. Jesus responded, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[c] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.” – Matthew 22:36-39.
I agree with Eternal Lizdom, at our church we also refer to ourselves as “Christ Followers” and we seek the claims of Christ and try to be an accurate reflection of Him and His love.
Happy Easter to you and your family and we prepare to celebrate the greatest comeback story ever recorded in human history!
Well done. It’s a topic I’ve blogged about quite a bit myself. And I vented my feelings on Sunday after Pence’s interview on ABC News – link is below.
I like to say that I’m a Christ Follower instead of a Christian sometimes. Because the word Christian does leave a bad taste in the mouths of others and with “Christ Follower” I hope I’m at least giving the idea that I try to follow what Christ said and did vs what men have decided the religious way is to follow the Bible.
It’s a very difficult position. We all find certain behavior that we won’t tolerate yet all of us criticize others for intolerance.
The good thing about the Bible is that it is clear that we are all sinners, we should love everyone as ourselves yet we need to acknowledge and repent of sin.
Very difficult stuff to reconcile.
With all this stuff going on its time for us to stand even firmer in our faith. The faith and the hope that we read about in the Bible itself. There will always be those that try to pervert the gospel.
Good for you in loving all people equally. That is what we are called to do.
I always call on what some of my police officer friends say when asked how can you be a believer when you see so much evil going on? Their response “How can you not be?”